Lie: God will never bless a pregnancy and child who was conceived outside His plan.
Truth: Our distance from God has nothing to do with losing our status as His child – that is permanent! And we cannot reverse his adoption of each of us into His family. He calls us to return to intimacy with Him and abide by his direction in our lives. The gospel is all about "turning around" and finding God's miracle in place of our disasters. We are assured then that,
King David, leader of the ancient Jewish nation and writer of the Psalms knew about losing favor and intimacy with hid God by being in the wrong place, at the wrong time. He writes in the Psalms.
LIE: Putting my child up for adoption costs a lot of money.
Truth: There are no costs to the biological mother when she chooses to make an adoption plan. Christian Adoption Center will handle all of the legal matters and fees, and the adoptive parents pay for all the adoption expenses, including in many cases, the hospital costs for delivering the baby.
Lie: Birthmothers who really care would never consider adoption.
Truth: You may think that if you consider adoption for your child, you are a cold, uncaring, selfish person. Maybe you're afraid other will think you don't love your child. In fact, women who make adoption plans for their children are among the most courageous, for they put their child's needs first. Your pregnancy counselor can arrange for you to speak with birthmothers that have already placed a child for adoption and struggled with this issue. You will see how much they love their child. Allowing your child to be born is a loving choice. Choosing to place your child with a family that can provide a stable, loving home is an act of love and sacrifice, not an act of abandonment.
LIE: Birthmothers will never know anything about their child and his or her adoptive parents in the following years.
Truth: You may be thinking that if you choose adoption, you will never know anything about your child's future. But today, information sharing between birth and adoptive parents is very common. As birthparents, you can help to develop an adoption plan that has the degree of openness you want.
LIE: All adopted children grow up to have serious psychological problems.
Truth: Maybe you have heard that adopted children have serious problems with drugs, alcohol, personal relationships, and mental illness. Research does not support this misunderstanding. Studies show that
- Adopted and non-adopted children are similar in frequency of adjustment disorders, delinquency, and mental illness.
- Adopted teenagers are as emotionally stable as non-adopted teenagers.
- Adopted individuals do not have more family problems than non-adopted people.
LIE: Birthmothers will have emotional problems if they choose adoption.
Truth: Some birthmothers view adoption negatively because they fear they will never recover emotionally. Some feel they will never again be happy. A pregnancy counselor will help you choose the type of adoption that will be best for you and your child. You will grieve the loss of your child and that grief can be painful. However, the ability to grieve is a sign of mental health, and healing will come in time.
LIE: No one can love a child as much as the birthmother can.
Truth: Adoptive parents can love their child as fully and selflessly as biological parents. Good parenting is a matter of unconditional love and acceptance, consistently nurturing and caring in a way that puts the needs of the child first. Adoptive parents love their children as much as if they had given birth to them.
LIE: I will have no control over my child's future.
Truth: You have complete control over the choice of the family with which you place your child. Reputable adoption agencies require extensive screening and interviewing to go on for all potential adoptive parents. Information about a couples marriage, employment, immediate and extended family, as well as recommendations from pastors, employers, and friends are all a part of the screening process at most adoption agencies. Many agencies will have books with adoptive parents' information listed along with a picture of the adoptive couple. If you like, you can meet with the family yourself and ask them questions which will further help you make your choice.
LIE: Adoption is abandoning my child.
Truth: Adoption on every side is a loving act done for the well being of a child. The biological mother loves her child enough to give him or her gift of life despite the pressures which surround an unintended or unwanted pregnancy. You will choose your child's adoptive parents and family. This decision is done carefully, wanting the best parents who will love, nurture, and provide for your baby for their entire life.
Adoptive parents are couples who choose to welcome a child into their lives, taking on all of the responsibilities and care it will take to raise that child to adulthood. Adoptive parents choose to love a child, who is biologically not their own, as though the child was their own flesh and blood.
LIE: When I put my baby up for adoption, I'll never know what happened to him or her.
Truth: Just as you have control over the choice of families in which you will place your baby, so you have control over how much contact you want from your child after the adoption. Open adoptions are much more the standard for today's adoption process. You can choose everything from how your child will be given to his or her adoptive parent at the hospital, how much contact you would like to have with your child. You can choose to have yearly letters and pictures from the adoptive family. Or, you can have planned visits with your child in order to stay in closer contact with them. Some mothers will choose to have a less open arrangement. In this situation, your contact between you and your child is ended once the adoption is completed. Discuss this with your counselor before moving forward just to ensure each party is in agreement with the level of communication you want.
It is important to note that every adoption is unique. Every effort to best meet the needs of both the biological mother and the adoptive family must be made. Adoptive families need to respect your desire to know that your child is being well cared for, as well as your need to get on with your life.
LIE: My child will never know anything about me as his or her mother.
Truth: How much your child knows about you is up to you. As the biological mother you can choose to have certain information disclosed to your child at the appropriate time. If you desire, you can request that a letter from you, in which you explain whatever you want to your child, is given to them to read at a designated time. In the case of an open adoption, where you visit or correspond with your child, it will be up to you to determine what your child knows about you.